If Obama Was An Airline Pilot

"Good afternoon! This is your pilot, Captain Obama!"

"Miraculously, our flight has pulled out of the tailspin it went into due to circumstances beyond my control. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but I'm happy to take the credit for leveling the plane out, regardless. If you're still feeling queasy, please don't hesitate to ask for an Application Form for a TARP Airsick Bag. The form is in triplicate, so be sure to write firmly and legibly. Keep the pink copy for yourself. Your requests will be reviewed and processed in a timely manner by our Review Board."

"I'm happy to report that we are now in level flight at an altitude of 2 feet over Seal Level, and only 3 of our 4 engines are on fire. Although we are only 1 hour into our 4 hour flight, we've wasted nearly all of our fuel, and we have no way of repairing our other 3 ruined engines, I am confident that we will reach our destination nonetheless. I have decided therefore to change course. My Co-Pilot, Mrs. Pelosi, and my Navigator, Mr. Reid, assure me that we will reach our destination in spite of any calculations to the contrary made by any of you passengers. Remember, we know this aircraft better than you, so stop listening to everybody else, shut up, and just let us do our jobs."

If you wish to lodge a complaint, however, a form is available, and once completed, will be forwarded to Republican Airlines, who were maintaining this aircraft up to the moment I stepped onboard. Although both Democrat and Republican Airlines use the same flight mechanics, we at Democrat are much better at making sure those mechanics do their jobs properly, as our Head of Maintenance, Mr. Barney Fudd, will attest to.

"Now relax and enjoy the rest of your flight. Our Flight Attendant, Hillary, will be serving Maddow's Kool-Aid, followed up by our in-flight meal of Acorn Soup. Our In-flight movie is "An Inconvenient Truth". Snore-Ease will be provided free of charge. We also have free reading materials, including "Dreams From My Father", by Bill Ayers, "It Takes A Village", by some nameless ghost writer, and Reverend Wright's Annotated White Hatred Bible. If we run out of toilet paper during the flight, we do have biodegradable copies of "Earth In The Balance" available for your use."

"Now that we have all that out of the way, sit down, shut up, and let us drive! Hopefully the other 3 engines will fix themselves, and we'll try to borrow some more fuel along the way. Anybody know how make one of these things fly on solar power?"

"We'll let you know when we're going to land, and we fully expect you will join us on another 4 hour flight as soon as this one is over!"

"Obama out!"