The Theocracy Is Coming

There is great concern these days, coming from various Left-Wing pundits, that Republican Conservatives are voting on issues based on their religious beliefs; in effect, the Republican takeover of Congress and the White House are signposts of a "theocratic" government on the horizon... and this makes liberals cringe.

Deal with it, guys... we NeoCon Conspirators have been bringing on this "theocracy" for years... you've just finally discovered it.

Sure, we all know that man is just a higher form of animal, with natural propensities towards selfishness, dishonesty, greed, promiscuity, and alcohol and drug abuse. Progressives from the "if it feels good, do it" generation have done their level best to help us understand this and progress towards the implementation of the "no-fault society". Party on, dudes!

We NeoCon Bible-Beaters are a bunch of sourpusses, however, and we can't stand to watch anybody having fun. Hence the need for a "theocracy"--- a religiously-inspired form of oppressive restraint against the phoney-baloney, plastic-banana, free-love generation.

To get make this work, we've been placing our operatives--both Democrat and Republican-- in various strategic high office positions for many years now. Enough of them are in Washington now to begin the roll-out of our theocratic takeover of America. We effectively spoil all the fun everybody's having by reintroducing our radical, retrograde concepts:

Honesty
Integrity
Personal Responsibility
Self-Reliance
Common Courtesy
Mutual Respect
Compassion
Humility
Self-Control

These oppressive, neanderthal concepts will be used to effectively destroy everybody's good times, and brainwash our most precious asset... the children.

BEWARE, FOOLISH MORTALS. THE END (OF THE RAVE PARTY) IS NEAR.

You're NOT paranoid, O Progressive One!

There really IS a NeoCon conspiracy. Progressives had been working tirelessly for 80 years to make the United States a country of true social justice, where there is government-mandated equality for all. We NeoCons got tired of it, so we rigged the last two Presidential elections to make sure Republicans became the ruling majority in this country. We will put a stop to your idea of "progress" in America, and here's why:

1. We want to get rich on the labors of the poor. Inequality and greed are good. After all, we need people to look down on. Being rich isn't fun if EVERYBODY is wealthy. And being poor stinks.

2. Evironmental conservation is a stumbling block to our pleasure. Who cares if civilization dies choking on carbon monoxide, while wading in a sea of consumer garbage? As long as we can get faster cars and bigger plasma TV's, Mother Earth can take a flying leap through a rolling doughnut.

3. Religious and racial intolerance have existed forever, and we think it's pointless to fight it. Besides, cops and lawyers need something to do. We'll make sure there's plenty of work for both.

4. You need religion. We think it's time you handed your kids over to us, so we can force them to memorize Bible verses in public schools. Then their tiny brains will be irreversibly warped by learning radical concepts like "Love your neighbor as yourself".

5. Women need to leave the workplace and head back to the house. On top of that, abortion needs to be abolished so that we can populate the Earth with as many new little NeoCons as possible. Women are for doing laundry, making dinner and having babies, period. We will re-establish that.

6. We will make it law that ALL citizens, regardless of their background, can carry weapons. Also, we will reward good gun-toting citizens a 1000.00 bounty for each Progressive they bring to the authorities, dead or alive.

7. Homosexuals , Lesbians and Transsexuals will be sent to a penal colony, where they will learn gender-appopriate behavior and be re-introduced into society.

Although this seems ludicrous, these are the reasons Progressives fear and hate us. And since Progressives are so much smarter than us "NeoCon Retards", they must be right. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.