You're NOT paranoid, O Progressive One!

There really IS a NeoCon conspiracy. Progressives had been working tirelessly for 80 years to make the United States a country of true social justice, where there is government-mandated equality for all. We NeoCons got tired of it, so we rigged the last two Presidential elections to make sure Republicans became the ruling majority in this country. We will put a stop to your idea of "progress" in America, and here's why:

1. We want to get rich on the labors of the poor. Inequality and greed are good. After all, we need people to look down on. Being rich isn't fun if EVERYBODY is wealthy. And being poor stinks.

2. Evironmental conservation is a stumbling block to our pleasure. Who cares if civilization dies choking on carbon monoxide, while wading in a sea of consumer garbage? As long as we can get faster cars and bigger plasma TV's, Mother Earth can take a flying leap through a rolling doughnut.

3. Religious and racial intolerance have existed forever, and we think it's pointless to fight it. Besides, cops and lawyers need something to do. We'll make sure there's plenty of work for both.

4. You need religion. We think it's time you handed your kids over to us, so we can force them to memorize Bible verses in public schools. Then their tiny brains will be irreversibly warped by learning radical concepts like "Love your neighbor as yourself".

5. Women need to leave the workplace and head back to the house. On top of that, abortion needs to be abolished so that we can populate the Earth with as many new little NeoCons as possible. Women are for doing laundry, making dinner and having babies, period. We will re-establish that.

6. We will make it law that ALL citizens, regardless of their background, can carry weapons. Also, we will reward good gun-toting citizens a 1000.00 bounty for each Progressive they bring to the authorities, dead or alive.

7. Homosexuals , Lesbians and Transsexuals will be sent to a penal colony, where they will learn gender-appopriate behavior and be re-introduced into society.

Although this seems ludicrous, these are the reasons Progressives fear and hate us. And since Progressives are so much smarter than us "NeoCon Retards", they must be right. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.