President Obama Appeases the Pro Gun Crowd

My fellow Americans,

Contrary to what gun owners say about me, I am not against private gun ownership.

To aid all Americans in participating in their 2nd Amendment rights, I propose a new program.

Anybody who wishes to own a firearm will be given a musket, paid for by your government. Instructions for its proper use will be provided.

Government approved black powder will be available for 100 dollars an ounce.

Traditional lead musket balls are environmentally unsafe. Musket balls of a government approved material will be available for 10 dollars apiece.

All proceeds from the sale of black powder and musket balls will be used for gang violence abatement and birth control education programs.

I believe now that my administration has come up with a compromise on gun ownership that is satisfactory in meeting the intent of the Founding Fathers when they wrote the 2nd Amendment. 

Thank you for your cooperation. 

--President Barack Obama